“If I Have to Tell You Again…!”
I have found HEB and Walmart to be the perfect venues for
observing all the parental attitudes and practices that make me shudder and
fear for the future of our nation. Here
are some examples of parenting styles and what I believe will be end result for
the child I observed:
Result:
An adult who has no idea how to delay gratification; an adult who will
take what he wants, when he wants it, no matter the cost or inconvenience to
others, and who will whine and complain
until he gets it. A perfect example can
be found in the cast and crew of the Occupy Movement. These unruly bullies didn’t just drop out of
the sky…they were “raised” by someone, someone who threatened but never
followed through and taught these children entitlement…to everything, even
things that don’t belong to them.
“Just wait until your daddy gets home!”
Result:
A child who learns that his mother has absolutely no clout and who will
pass off any responsibility for discipline to a father who has not witnessed
the event and who is tired after a long day of work and doesn’t want to deal
with it. Consequences should be swift, sure, and consistent.
And my favorite: “Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh” repeated in one long
wail, which follows me on every single aisle of the store, sometimes
accompanied by swatting mom or telling her he hates her. Someone please tell me why this child is not
getting his sweet little rear end worn out in the bathroom so I can shop
without having my eardrums violently assaulted and my brain scrambled!
Result:
An adult who constantly whines and complains to anyone who will listen about
how terribly life is treating him, until he gets what he wants, of course.
You get the idea.
Under-parenting leaves a child to himself, and creates a self-centered
person who cannot control his own emotions and actions. Children must be trained, and that takes a
lot of attention and effort. It is not
an impossible task, and I can say this because I trained six children who were
an average of two years apart in age.
Yes, it can be exhausting, and the rewards are not seen or appreciated
for a very long time. But the end result
is an adult who has respect for others, is diligent, knows how to wait for good
things, is generous and loving, has a moral compass, and who is capable of
handling the difficulties of life. A wonderful side benefit is a peaceful home
where screaming, demanding, and whining are not a part of everyday life. Whimpy
parents produce whimpy children who will expect others to meet their needs and to
overlook their “issues.” As my mother once told me, “Be the strong-willed
parent your strong-willed child needs.”
Children crave boundaries.
This is a true statement. The
first time I spanked an out-of-control child and witnessed the peace that
resulted, I was awestruck. This kid had
really, really wanted me to stop him!
Who would have known? Spanking
suddenly took on a whole new meaning for me.
Now if you are of a non-spanking mindset, I don’t have issues with you.
I’ve seen other approaches work, too. I
just guarantee you it will take you longer and use up much more of your
precious time to train your child with time-outs and lots of talking and
reasoning. And you also have to address
the fact that if you are a Bible-believing and -following Christian, you might
have a hard time justifying not spanking, since there are many scriptures to
support it. But spanking is a whole ‘nother subject and a can of worms that can
be opened on another post.
For now, if you are a parent, especially a parent of young
children, please just know that what you are doing or not doing right now to
train your child is shaping a future adult.
Set limits, stand by them, be consistent, and don’t let a little
pipsqueak of a kid wrestle the control from you. They don’t really want it, you know. They want
YOU to be in charge.
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